别逼我，否则我伟大起来，一发不可收拾。
Don't push me, or I'll be great and out of control.
生活就像新闻联播，不是换台就能逃避得了的。
Life is like news broadcast, which can't be avoided by changing channels.
眼睛是心灵的窗户。那么，眼袋是心灵的窗台。
The eyes are the windows of the soul. So, pouch is the window sill of the soul.
别着急去眺望远方，应该低下头来看看脚上的伤。
Don't worry about looking into the distance. You should lower your head to see the injury on your feet.
都说女子无才便是德，我想，我一定是太缺德了。
It is said that a woman without talent is virtue. I think I must be too immoral.
感觉全世界都在订婚、领证、结婚，只有我在忙着送礼。
I feel that the whole world is engaged, getting a license and getting married. Only I am busy giving gifts.
不知道到底喜欢什么样的工作，不过可以肯定的是：我根本就不喜欢工作。
I don't know what kind of work I like, but I'm sure I don't like it at all.
都说男人膝下有黄金，我快把皮搓掉了，连块铁也没找着！
It's said that there's gold under men's knees. I'm going to rub the skin off, and I can't even find a piece of iron!
什么是限制你自由的主要因素？手机充电器的长度。
What are the main factors limiting your freedom? God reply: the length of mobile phone charger.
以前我是没有择偶标准，直到遇到你，我告诉自己，你这种不能要。
Before, I didn't have a mate selection standard, until I met you, I told myself, you can't do this.
怎么可能，我都已经把手机调成了飞行模式，从五楼扔下去还是碎了？
How can it be? I've set my mobile phone to flight mode, dropped it from the fifth floor or broken it?
我用一麻袋的钱上大学，换了一麻袋书；毕业了，用这些书换钱，却买不起一个麻袋！
I used a sack of money to go to college and exchange it for a sack of books. After graduation, I exchanged these books for money, but I couldn't afford a sack!